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8/12/15

Advice From Paradise with Nedelle Torrisi & Me



Nedelle Torrisi is a sublime musician and true romantic who moonlights as a love advice guru. This week she asked me to answer one of her reader's questions. 
For more Advice From Paradise pop over to Nedelle's blog and do yourself a favour and check her new album out on Ethereal Sequence/Drag City




Q. What would you do if your ex told you that he never stopped loving you and he's really serious and all those months he missed you?

A. Ah, the old “He-had-you-he-lost-you-and-now-he-wants-you-back” syndrome. This is such predictable behaviour.

I’m operating under the assumption that it was he who left you.

Some love makes you helpless, and some love makes you strong. Sounds like maybe the love you have for this man has you in a weak place. Maybe you want permission to give him a second chance.

Well, I’m not a big proponent of second chances when it comes to love. Everyone makes mistakes and deserves forgiveness, but that doesn’t mean you should let them back in your bed. If the person in question didn’t see what they had when it was standing in front of them, then they really don’t know diamonds from dirt. Which makes them not very bright. One of the most valuable skills to develop in life is the ability to move on and not look back. Once you learn how to do this, life’s limits disappear.

You know, in my thirty-six years on the planet I think I know of only one couple that have gotten back together after a break up are happy. The other 99% ended up breaking up again, but more bitterly than the first time around. When one person needs to go window shopping to decide if what he has at home is good enough, that creates a void in the relationship that takes a lot to forgive and move on from.

Is it worth it? When the world is full of fresh new possibilities? When right around the corner may be someone who sees you for all that you are and doesn’t need a few months break to work it out? Why bother with someone you can’t rely upon, someone who left you and didn’t care whether or not you met someone new?

I think you can do a whole lot better. Unless you have children together, I would let him go.  The question is, do you love yourself enough to move on?







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